Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
