Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
