I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
