I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
