I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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