Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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