I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
