y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
