I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found puke in my bra..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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