I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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