My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
