im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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