jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
