i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
