New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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