i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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