just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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