my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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