it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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