Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
