So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
