Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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