Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
