People in love make me want to vomit
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
