Pappa wants mamma naked
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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