My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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