Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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