giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
