There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
