he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I want is dick and wine.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize