i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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