I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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