Your dad touched me again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
