You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
