hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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