doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize