She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
