bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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