Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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