A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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