you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
