remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
