What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
