theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize