Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
