Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
