those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
