dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
