She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
