Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.