Cold hands, warm shart.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"