I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
