I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face