hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation