Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.