So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?