Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
