I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Green mimosas i think yes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
