You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
