Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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