dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.