can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress