Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago