..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store