I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here