please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
