She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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