my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
