We're facebook friends in real life
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
