So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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